Does this make sense? Did you find this post because you too are at a loss at your own mental state? My mind seems to be focused on frustrating the hell out of me – it’s chosen f**king vessel – and it is slowly depriving me of any joy. On the outside I am happy, comfortable and content. Surely this is true happiness? So why on earth do I feel stuck? Out of control and overwhelmed? Once upon a time I used to think “busy” was successful and now I’m actually busy I’ve come to realise that ‘busy’ is like a penultimate episode of Game of Thrones – stressful, out of control, your favourite character dies and you have to repeat the same episode at least three times to make sure you saw it correctly. I am in a cycle of my own making. My very own Groundhog Day and Bill Murray still hasn’t shown up. (FYI – I love Bill).
I’m being dramatic (of course) – no one has died.
So what kind of S**T am I doing? My S**T (right now) is what I am creating. It is OK. Just OK and believe me when I say that I wish ‘OK’ was enough. I hate myself for wanting to always one up myself and I also hate being the green eyed monster, but with social media and the very public numbers (see followers, likes, thumbs down, comments…the list continues) it is all there. There to see. THERE to compare.
I would be lying if I said I don’t look at people who started at a similar time to me and then feel like a small part of my soul died with every extra thousand more likes they get than me. Even worse is that (and this might be the same for YOU) I am comparing myself to people who are strangers. I do not know the very people that I am comparing my whole existence too. Am I insane? Unfortunately I am a millennial human who has access to people and problems and stories and content 24/7, every single day. I and you are forced to watch the highlight reels of other peoples lives. Remember when we used to only worry about our background of our MySpace pages? Those were the good days. Even with the knowledge about the over use of photoshop and apps like Face Tune – my mind never once gives me a break and thinks “I wonder what is the real story”. The biggest part of this problem of course is the filter, we live in a filtered world where nothing (absolutely nothing) is what it seems. No wonder I feel shit and everyone seems confused, but it really is up to me and you to decide on what influences us, what steals our focus and what WE give our attention to.
I have noted and noticed this behaviour and by noticing the pattern I have tried to course correct by simply asking myself “does this make you feel shit?” and if the answer is ‘hell yeah’ – then STOP! Boom. Easy. Right? If only. It is constant work. So if it makes you feel less than or emotionally empty – Bye! Adios! Laters! Not in a while Crocodile! Stop doing S**T that makes you feel S**T!
This is more for me than you, but social media is just one example of how I like to apparently take myself apart and tear myself a new one and as always…I hope it resonates with one of you humans out there and if it does – I am sorry you feel like that, but STOP doing S**T that makes you feel S**T!